I want to go back to the Place I Don't Understand!

This time last year I was in a foreign country feeling a bit lost, unsure & excited. My time in Mongolia was awesome, I learnt a lot, grew a lot and had fun. Since then, I've had a longing to go back that I've found really hard to explain to others and myself...

I've had a few days off this week to recover from my exam (which btw was not as bad as I thought it would be - see last post) and spent some time watching Ewan McGregor's Long Way Round. Actually, I only watched the 2 episodes where he and Charlie rode through Mongolia as i was feeling a bit Mongolia-sick.

At the end of the 2nd episode, after riding through Mongolia and getting to Russia, Ewan talks about how he feels as though his experience in Mongolia was the whole reason they were doing their motorbike ride around the world. It is such a different life experience to any other country he has been in, it's so hard to get around in & communicate to the outside world in and it's a really tough place to live in - he doesn't understand the geography, the culture, the people, but he loves it all at the same time. He says "I want to go back to the place I don't understand".

I think that's how I feel about Mongolia too...

So much to do so little time...

It's actually not that true, generally I have enough time in which to do the things I need to do but often I feel like I don't.

Today I spent a lovely morning with some of the other married girls at Barneys 715 Congregation in my backyard, it was fun and I really enjoyed it. However I did spend a fair bit of yesterday and this morning stressing about all the things I had to do and wishing I didn't have to get up early and entertain people.

I was particularly stressed about not spending the morning studying for my exam on Tuesday, which must be why I have only done an hour of study in the last 4 hours. (Why must I procrastinate so...)

So now I am sitting here, after checking my email, facebook, ebay and all my friends blogs, blogging because every time I begin to study I am overwhelmed by all the things I don't know and feel I should know, or maybe it's all the things I do know but am not sure how to express in a way others will understand and will get me marks. I don't think I used to feel this way at uni.

I have a little voice inside me that tells me all I need is more time and to work harder and then it will all be good. But then the other little voice tells me there is really no point, more time and work won't help me understand - it's just all too hard.