Tonight we have begun 'Operation Sleep Through the Night' in an attempt to get Aston, who is now one, to sleep for more than 4 hours at a stretch. Over the past year I have a lot of time to think about, research and observe baby sleep, something I didn't think I would ever need to do.
I've been trying to work out why it's such an issue, talk to any parent and they will tell you about the stresses and guilts that surround every thought and every conversation they have about how well or not so well their baby is sleeping. I'm not sure why it has become such a big issue in our western world.
It is one of the first questions you are asked when you reveal you have a small child who has just entered into the world. 'Is he a good baby?' 'Does he sleep well?' This is always followed by the slight pause where I try and decide if it's better to lie, downplay the fact that Aston doesn't sleep, or use his sleeplessness to extract pity and sympathy from whoever I'm talking to. If that person has a child of similar age it often feels as though there is some sort of competition to determine whose baby is the best or worst sleeper, (both of these positions gain points in someone's world but you earn no points for being somewhere in the middle).
As you are barely functioning in a sleep deprived haze, trying to cope with the pressure (or more often in my case, perceived pressure) of others expectations, you turn to the professionals for advice. Dr Sears, Pinky Mckay, Tizzie Hall, Elizabeth Pantley, Sheyne Rowley and more. Instead of clearing the haze, confusion and guilt, often this just adds to it. You should let your baby cry, you should never let your baby cry, co-sleeping is good, co-sleeping is bad, don't breastfeed your baby to sleep, do breastfeed your baby to sleep... And then there are the very helpful people who say it doesn't matter what you do, just do what's right for you and your baby. Um, hello, I was looking for help because I don't know what's right!
Having arrived at the point where we decided crying is not the way we want Aston to remember being put to sleep I believe we have tried almost everything. A belief that is reinforced every time I find a new baby sleep site online that tells me to: play music, co-sleep, put him in the cot awake, rock him to sleep, let him cry for 5mins, give him a bedtime routine, make sure he naps well during the day, etc etc.
One thing I do need to say before I go on is something most of the above experts agree on, despite the pressure you get from others, your baby's sleeping habits are not a problem unless you think they are. If you and our baby are able to cope with waking at night, co-sleeping, rocking to sleep or any other thing someone else thinks is 'wrong' then you don't have a problem. Unfortunately we have come to a place where we can not cope.
Tonight we started Sheyne Rowley's DreamBaby method, it's based on communication and seems to make sense, although following her method to the letter means a very strict sleeping and eating routine. She claims her method is not a 'crying method' but it does involve some crying, the difference being the amount of 'homework' done beforehand in order to establish boundaries, clear expectations, independence and confidence in your baby before leaving them to cry alone in their cot.
According to her definitions Aston cried 'angry', 'calling out' and 'settling' cries for around an hour before finally falling asleep. At appropriate moments I 'attended' to let Aston know that he was ok and I am confident he can fall asleep on his own. He missed 2 'sleep buses'* before finally catching a 3rd one and falling asleep. He woke an hour after falling asleep, cried an 'angry' cry for around 5 mins which became a 'calling out' cry for 2 mins until he caught the partial waking 'sleep bus' and required no 'attendance' from mummy. He has now been asleep for another hour or so since then.
Will it work? Who knows, I'm hoping and praying it does... I'll try and remember to keep you posted...
*Sheyne says when a baby is trying to self settle to sleep there will be brief periods of 3-8mins where it is easier for them to get to sleep. If they miss that 'bus' they need to wait 20 mins or so for the next bus to come before they can fall asleep.
