Aston learns to sleep

I thought after my last post I'd come back and update you on Aston's sleeping progress, amazingly he is doing really well! He now goes to sleep most nights within 10mins of being put in his cot without crying and sleeps until 5-7am! It's still quite strange but really nice.

So, what did we do?

I'd worked out quite a while ago that Aston's main issue was based around his sleep association with breastfeeding - basically, he didn't know how to go to sleep unless he was feeding. This meant I was feeding him to sleep, putting him in his cot and leaving the room without him realising. Every time he woke during the night he would freak out because mummy had disappeared, he was alone in the dark and couldn't get back to sleep without a breastfeed. To add to the problem this also meant he was afraid to go to sleep or be alone in his cot awake because every time he went to sleep mummy disappeared. This meant bedtimes were often 1-2 hours of crying, multiple breastfeeds and frantic rushing about (he refused to stay still) until he would eventually fall asleep on the breast completely exhausted, only to wake a few hours later crying for a feed.

After reading a number of books and websites, I tried so many different things to try and calm him before bedtime and stop him needing to breastfeed to sleep, a few methods would work for a little while but soon he would regress again. We got to the point where I was willing to give up on all my ideals and just let Aston cry himself to sleep.

Enter 'Dreambaby Guide' - I had seen the author Sheyne Rowley on Sunrise and she hadn't impressed me all that much but she made great claims about teaching babies to sleep without using controlled crying. I checked out her website, again, not terribly impressive but i decided to borrow her book from the library and see what she had to say.

The book is quite thick, possibly because she often repeats herself but I did manage to find a few things in it that seemed to make sense. The basic methodology is here. We haven't followed her method to the letter, her focus on routine is very strict and just doesn't fit into our way of life and I'm not convinced by a lot of the things she has to say about food and restricting breastfeeding.

We spent a few weeks (as long as it took to read the book) doing our homework which included:

• Using preemptive language and developing cues for Aston eg. "very soon it will be time to change your nappy/go to sleep in your cot" etc, being careful to use the same words every time ie. not "change your nappy' one day and then "get clean pants on" the next so Aston always knows what's happening next and doesn't get upset because he's happy playing and I pick him up and dump him on the change table with no warning.
• Developing independent play - helping Aston learn it was ok for him to be by himself in the cot or just playing with his toys. I use the cue "I'll be back" before I leave the room so he knows I am leaving and will come back. We spent time with him playing in his cot and leaving him for longer periods of time on his own.
• Creating a new bedtime routine, before each sleep we have a breastfeed, read some stories, (at nighttime we pray) in the lounge room then we go into Aston's room with the light off, shut the door, sing "Jesus loves you", put him in his cot, say our sleepy cues "close your eyes and go to sleep, mummy and daddy love you, nigh night Aston" then I (or Stuart) leave the room and shut the door.
• We also have a wake up routine, this helps to lessen confusion about when it's time to get up so Aston knows he won't be taken out of the cot every time he cries. He only gets to leave the cot after mummy says "Good sleeping Aston" and he plays on his own with his toys for a little while. (There are always exceptions of course but this is the general rule.)
  
• We role played his new routine with a teddy twice a day for a week, again so Aston was aware of what was happening and got used to the new routine.

Then we put it all into practice. I was surprised the first time we tried at how much crying there was, on my first reading of the book Sheyne made it sound so simple and easy, so i read the sections on crying again and reading between the lines realised I should have expected it. However, talking to others who have used controlled crying, the amount of crying we experienced was minimal. Throughout it all I was fairly confident that Aston knew what was going on and didn't feel abandoned by Stuart and I but it was still hard to hear him cry.

This article by Sheyne was quite helpful in putting crying in perspective. She says that as parents we need to teach our children that it's ok to express themselves and to deal with their emotions, if we run to them every time they cry they learn that they can't cope with life unless mummy and daddy are there to help, or that they shouldn't express themselves when they feel upset or angry because somehow it's wrong to cry. On the other hand if we leave them to cry when they are very distressed or hurt then this makes them feel abandoned and alone. It's all about assessing why and how they are crying and determining what to do next.

So almost three weeks after we have started this adventure, it seems to be working, the first night, involved about and hour of crying before Aston fell asleep and a few sessions of 10min crying throughout the night. Over the weeks the initial crying has gone and Aston can put himself to sleep easily. We've had a few nights of wake ups in the early hours of the morning, we've found that Sheyne's method of letting Aston cry and repeating his sleepy words doesn't seem to work - I think, despite what she says that he is genuinely hungry. When it does happen I've been giving him a breastfeed and putting him in his cot awake and he seems a lot happier. However for the past three or four nights he hasn't woken up and I'm hoping that will continue.

Now to find an appropriately cute photo to add to this post :-)